Thinking of yesterday’s past

My Grandfather passed about 10 years ago. Last night I had a dream of him and I working to find something in my Aunt’s old bedroom. As my alarm pulled me from sleep, I got to thinking that I should have hugged him or something as I miss him so. This is relatable in that we all have someone whether through breakup, moving or passing that we miss. From my perspective I wish I had then sense to tell him I loved him or gave him a hug. As is often the case we don’t get to say goodbye in a meaningful way or in a way we want. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the opportunity as in breaking up or a sudden passing because of the shock of the event. Sometimes it’s just because the pain of that loss is so great that even when we have said goodbye it never feels like enough because we want them back so much.
There is no easy way to get through this. They say that time heals all wounds but that’s not true. Time doesn’t heal it just provides distance. Sometimes, if we are lucky, with that distance comes perspective. Often though time just creates a void of that presence we can choose to ignore or act on. It’s why some of us go to the gravesite while others can’t. Acknowledging the loss and remembering the good is the only way to truly heal. Focusing on the pain leaves us in limbo from which we never heal. You should have a gap in your soul. Anyone worth knowing that had an impact on your life should create this when they are gone. Filling that gap with great memories of time well spent together is always better than being in that space of loss.
Just my thought.

Quiet Morn

silently I stare
Breathing deeply of the fresh morning air
Gently the light starts to break the dark sky
Lifting me from dreams to the place where I try
Try to work hard to provide
Try to come out sane on this wild ride
Each moment like this as I sit quietly sipping coffee in the dark
Contemplating moments, chances to knock it out of the park
Commitment of a future looking to be promoted
Taking my artistic side, sorry to busy you get demoted
Priorities are an interesting thing
We make time for whatever is important
Leaving everything else in a dusty ring
Each day endeavoring better than before
Yet somehow wind up in the same place...what a chore
The dreams are nothing without goals in tow
What those goals are? I don’t know?
Kids, pets, work and wife
All vying for attention oh what a life
Trying to fit my passions in doesn’t usually have time to allow
Yet I love this life and as the sun crests I must take a bow
For its off to work I must go
A great day I decided I will have (just so you know)

Questions

Hi Everyone,
I am very excited about the amount of folks that have read the poems. I would still love some feedback. I also wanted to ask if anyone wanted to be a guest writer, or have your photos posted. I am also curious if you have something you would like me to write about. I know many of my writings are about pain but I have published love poetry and patriotic poems as well as articles of various nature. Excited to collaborate!
RJ

Finding a companion

I used to think it was about this lonely house
Or maybe this empty room
What made me decide it’s not
Well, because I’ve found it’s my lonely heart
Am I set adrift
Like a fallen piece of wood
Floating down a over through the wood
Knowing I will never reach the shore
My heart, no my hopes, like Seaweed always reaching for the sun and the surface
When deep down I know I can never reach
Floating alone in the water
Compassion nor companionship never to be found
Perhaps I should dream myself a fisherman
Always casting the line
Hoping to get the next big catch
Or dinner, nourishing the body
Finding that nourishment for my soul
Hoping I don’t reel in an old boot

Dreaming

Perspective is a beautiful thing but can be oh so bad and sometimes both depending on your point of view
While funny it’s also true
But so many things become different as time passes through
Changing that perspective sometimes making it seem new
We look back with fondness and often without the pain when we look at the past
It’s true that time dissipates the hurt, it doesn’t hurt as much that intensity can’t last
Perspective ties into our dreams as we look forward at what’s to do
Those most at peace with themselves know there is only so much we can get through
Those most affected also think of something better
Constantly finding disappointments living as a regret-er
Others don’t dream at all, truly I can’t relate.
No concept of what that must be like, nothing but fate?
Dreams are healthy for us. Give us a path to trend towards
Makes us at peace with the current work, knowing we are driving forward
Can the dreams we have really come true
Of course they do, they usually just take lots of work
That’s what drives our appreciation due to the sweat, tears and dirt
Perspective helps us with understanding events both current and from long ago
Change the view sometimes for the better sometimes...well it’s best to let go
Fear, anger, hurt and pain
All left behind us, changes our memories and keeps us sane
The dreams come into play about if and how we want to change the road ahead
Whether we daydream at work, or at home in our bed
The dream I have is a belief that things will always get better
Spending my life with you, there’s no doubt it will
Always be getting
Better

Wings

Lifted by wings the angels did fly

Carrying them away, the final goodbye 

How I miss them both gone too soon

I stood there crying feeling like a goon

My thoughts drift back when I see a cardinal pass my way

Or beautiful butterflies flapping around mid day

The beauty in the little things comes from experiencing the bad

Muddling through it as best giving it the best I had

Dreaming through colors my mind drifts into the beyond

Drifting away removed from the pain but for only so long

Pray yes pray for my soul to make it through the day with the longing and loss

My performance suffers, what do I say to the boss?

Truth be told it’s hard sometimes now, it’s seems so long ago

But I get through, how even I don’t know

We get through things with time, they say it heals all wounds

But that’s really not right is it? Do they think us buffoons?

What heals us can happen by understanding and acceptance of a loss

But sometimes things don’t heal they just get covered over with gloss

Handling that pain isn’t easy anyone that’s had too they know

We do a great job of hiding it not letting it show

But that’s not healing, nope not even close

I once had a family friend tell me that they saw them as ghosts

No one is gone if we remember there kindness, love and good deeds

While this can be comforting it doesn’t quite fill our needs

But what can? Hmmm, a great question that’s true

...I wish I knew

Reluctance

the gestures we make to express our love never seem like enough when we aren’t equals. Being an equal in love is sharing the joy and laughter as well as the pain. If the hurt is all one sided it’s not love anymore just an act. An act of reluctance on our part to admit what we don’t want to see. That the one we love doesn’t feel the same. Love is whole, it’s abundant and active, why would you want someone that doesn’t make you feel that... cherished feeling. Can you know love? Do you deserve love. The answer to both is absolutely. We have a capacity to turn a blind eye for comfort but we need to shake it up! Be active in that choice of whom to bestow your time. The warmth of a touch that permeates the whole body. The look you give each other when you both have that inside joke, the smile you have that people see you are in a great space just because they are on your mind. Love is total, the feelings from inside are felt by each of you. The way that one can make your heart hurt in their absence just as leaping for joy after a long day. Don’t stay, if it’s not total go find that joy. Go find the happiness you deserve. You are worth it!

wistful

Do you have any idea what it feels like to ask if you even care and you don’t respond?
There’s a hurt there, deep in my heart, knowing I no longer belong.
It happens when one is blind because the other won’t let you see
Lifting them up, making them feel better, than they could be
Life is a collection of moments, so it’s really about the react
Can we maintain being a gentleman or just yell or is there a different tract?
Blessed is the one that can rise above
Forgetting the anger and remembering the love
We are passionate beings of that there is no doubt
Turning the other check is hard, but it’s best not to shout
In anger we often say things meant as momentary but ohhh how the last
Getting through life is a challenge, so much happier without the past
Able to carry on, if we remember to let go
Besides here’s a new love to get to know

life

Curled, wrapped in green, promise, hope and dream
Gentle the dew clings to the green
Leaving a brilliant light, a silver sheen
As the green starts to be pushed aside
The beautiful flower starts to reach out
Seeking the sun outside
In this new world so full of life wind and trees shaking and flowing in the afternoon breeze. The purple petals soaking in the sun
Life it is begun.

A Thought on Love

Most will look at this picture and say I did a horrible job. Yup, I agree. It’s the content that mattered. Love means something different to everyone. This picture told my love that I was thinking of her even though I was on a different continent and this goofy little vacuum repair store reminded me of a great time we had together. No matter what love means it is about the moments we create with each other that really matter. In the end no treasure will ever be as valuable as the memories we share with each other.

wishing

Out there somewhere is the dream waiting to be

Each moment without it leaves me flounder underneath the white clouded sea

The rush of the wind makes my dream seem ever elusive

No matter how hardI try the situation is never conducive

Each moment in nature makes my soul feel calmed

Like rubbing aloe on a sunburn

Or a drink with my friend Sean

Passion and longing my companions on this bright sunshine day

My desire to have that dream outweighed by my willingness to stay

Is it possible to feel stuck when you are standing on the top of the world?

Watching the hawks ride the wind, the trees by the breeze do stir

Peace is not the company of the insecure

Calmness, stability disappear in a blur 

Waiting so open for the dream to come

Waited to long, sun disappearing it’s time to be done

Walking back down the path over packed earth and stone

In the shade the wind chills me right to my bone

I desire what’s elusive some that’s all we ever do

That choice can be made differently at any point it’s up to you

Stay in one place hoping for something to change

When no evidence can be found, to the contrary, it will all stay the same

Finding a dream, finding the will it’s the opportunity that’s desired and sought 

Fighting myself and the obvious, my soul won’t be bought

I want this to end but have nowhere good to go

Wanted so much more than can be delivered please say it ain’t so.

Rays of sunshine

Stopping and smelling the roses is important it’s said.

Need to recognize the goodness in life not what till I am dead

The warmth of the suns rays beaming through the brush

Clearing my mind of those Monday blues, what a rush.

Moments in life are truly what we make them

When they aren’t there sometimes we have to make them. 

Others can fill our life with happiness and joy

It’s up to us where we take it, decide what we enjoy.

My thoughts drifting through my mind like the golden rays through the bush

Trying to kickstart my Monday just a little push

Locked in this moment is promise you’ll see

Whatever happens I am a happier me.

Reaching the end

Reaching down on hands of time
Crossing hidden battle lines
Souls been sold to laziness and despair
Do the mind and heart really care?
The feel of falling in limbo into the grave so deep
Thoughts random and scattered, just can’t reach sleep
Dreams won’t help, So scared inside
When can I get off, be done with this ride?
Grave dug so deep
Can escape be within my reach?
I try reaching up
Past drags me down
Holding me quietly, with that knowing frown
The torment I bring myself, not releasing the fear, hurt and pain
Surrounded by insecurity, jokingly feeling insane
I set the traps
So there’s no way I can win
How can I escape, where does it need to begin
The belief in myself
I can conquer my hurt, pain & shame
My mind tells my heart
But without the belief it’s not the same
Can I reach? My fingers feel the soft earth reaching
Wanting that feeling of starting anew
Can I do this? Would you?