It started off ok

And then the dogs came

It’s finished then

I can see the signs, the flags are waving 

It’s over, and it’s time to move on

The best thing to happen is not to spend one more thought 💭 in that place 

All that time was a gigantic waste

Sometimes I question what it was I was thinking 

And then it occurred to me I can forget it by drinking 

It wasn’t worth really remembering, all truth be told

It’s more fun to come down with a cold

Happiness can’t fill your soul when it’s stuffed full of crap

Need to get out the garbage bags, clean it out, get it out or it will claim you like a trap

Happiness, like the morning sun starts out as a mere glimmer 

By supper time that glimmer has become a bright burning fire 🔥 

In order to keep it burning have to forget about you being such a liar 

That’s going backwards though and that’s the past that’s being left behind 

I am focusing on tomorrow and that warm sunshine 🌞 

To keep me from the cold dark ruin of you

Hidden in plain sight

Sometimes things aren’t what they seem famous words from conspiracy theories or drama queens

Looking and searching for whatI know is there

Reaction always as if there’s no care

There is a huge difference between knowing what’s right in front of your face

And making up your version of the truth to take it’s place

The real danger is when you believe your own version of what never was

Holding people accountable to that version of events, yes the one that never was

If you want to know what’s truly scary in the scenario of  lies

Behind the anger you cause the other, you know you’re the one that cries 

The things we tell ourselves to get through the day

Do you think they are all real, come on don’t hold back we all know what you’re going to say

Truth is in the eyes of the beholder, scared of my truth when I believe the lies

What is truly frightening is what I see in your eyes

You don’t know. It’s there, plain as the nose on your face

That goodness inside the you, housed in all that bad, what a waste

From the Latin know thyself, what can be left here? Lots still unsaid 

There was a time I cared, but that time is long past dead.

Resignation

Truth is such an interesting thing when we stop to think about it
Because ultimately truth is about our perception of what we are willing to believe. So what do we believe about ourselves? Are we good inside being honest to ourselves? What is honesty anymore? We aren’t allowed to be honest because we will offend someone and making sure everyone is comfortable is what we are all about right?
What if we are kind of good? Trying to be truthful but only taking my side of the story. That’s kind of good. It’s all supposed to be about number 1 right. Why be honest with myself when I can put blinders on and live in my safety zone. Why tell someone their ass does look big in those jeans because you are 20 lbs overweight, when you can be safe and kind and just say oh yes, they make your ass look gorgeous. That’s how we live in delusion, never taking the time to get in the dirt because it takes honesty to break through and sayI was wrong. Nope, don’t have to when we can get a quick divorce,never have to face the real truth that it’s ok to be angry but when the communication stops is when things truly break down. It takes integrity, bravery and trust to know someone is angry with you and still be honest about how you feel. Something many of us never experience.
Then there are the bad people with good intentions, and we know what the road to hell was paved with. Don’t tell me what I want to hear because it is safe for you. Of course the same goes for the rotten apple. Telling me whatI want to hear because you are a coward afraid to face the truth in yourself so always keeping people exactly where you want them.
Truth gets murky in all of these because no one is all good or all bad. We are all multi faceted people with our own agendas. It’s about number 1 is right. We are no good to anyone broken apart in pieces through so much giving so we do need to keep a part of ourselves focusing on tomorrow and growing our mental health and stability. So we can give to others but we have to be cautious because there are so many takers out there. Taking pieces of our sanity and because a taker is only interested In themselves they will literally see the light fading from your eyes and keep taking till it goes out because you are just a thing to them: Disposable. The only true way to handle the takers is to recognize them and shut them down. They take from you because they lack the self confidence to know they can provide for themselves because they are afraid of owning who they are and see in you something awesome. That precious jewel inside you just like liberty needs to be defended. You are precious. Don’t ever be afraid to give but recognize when there is no reciprocal experience and end it asap. Protect your soul from those that would extinguish it. You are loved and valued.

Desolation A love story

Reaching up from under the stillness of the foggy water
Trying so hard to get to the light though I dwell so low in the darkness
Happiness is knowing you are there, mine
Sadness is knowing the that no matter what you have no time
I can see the light from the foggy expanse
Trapped under the water, I give nothing but a silent glance
Trying, reaching
Crying, beseeching
Desolation the water drums into my ears
Nothing but the drumming of my heartbeat, the silence of empty years
So much to offer have I
Trying, reaching lifting myself towards the sky
I want nothing but the breath of the wind against my face
Silky, smooth, washing across me like fine lace
Trapped beneath the blackness, so much left unsaid
Hearing the silence, tasting defeat being left for dead
All in a week
Ever feel alone in a room full of friends
Can’t wait to escape, till that party ends
Alone in my mind, heart and soul
Cradled in your arms, feeling that love is my goal

Birthday

a quick tale

It was my birthday this week. I guess as we age we all get different meaning from celebrating (or not) the day we were born. This year I looked around at my life and took stock. I have a beautiful daughter that survived a major surgery, 2 sons that I am so proud of and another volleyball champ daughter. I have my house, my house, the culmination of scrimping, saving and the luck of my Irish wife. 18 years we have been together and we have had the usual struggles most marriages do but they are far overshadowed by the amazing times we have spent together. I feel older, a little less round than last year but definitely a step slower yet I feel alive. I feel a joy I could not have imagined in my younger days because of the fullness my life has with my beautiful/ handsome and oh so smart kids, my house, the dogs and the love I pray and try to make myself worthy of everyday. Life is so short and so precious. I hit the jackpot and although I may be looking a little more Elmer Fuddish than Thor, I wake up each day happy with the choices I have made both good and bad because it landed me here. Happy, in love, lucky and another year wiser.

Love is

Love is magic, love is fun
Love is holding your special someone
Laying on a blanket under the glorious Autumn leaves
Never wanting that moment to end,
making it last forever in our mind
Love is having your someone want to hold your hand too
Love means sometimes just looking over and realizing how lucky are you
Love aids in healing, sometimes from an argument or fight
Love doesn’t equal hurt or pain every day or every night
Love is patient, love so kind,
Loving is active
Never trying to catch up or being blind
Honesty and love are a perfect team
Love means you, my perfect dream